the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
