I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
