She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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