Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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