I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
