I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
