Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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