Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
