Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
