Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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