Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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