I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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