We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
