Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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