yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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