The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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