Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
