i may or may not be watching the land before time
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
