I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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