Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
