Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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