im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
