the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
