just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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