just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
