I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
