im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
