I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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