I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
