My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
