matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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