just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
