bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
