we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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