So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Let's paint friendship bongs
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
