I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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