god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
