We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize