C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My balls are so social today.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
