We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.