You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
