Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
