My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
