Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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