cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
