Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
