If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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