Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize