We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
