My room smells like vodka and shame
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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