so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I understand Curling. That high.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
