At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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