CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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