It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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