I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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