she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
