dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
