He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
