I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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