New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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