I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
