Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
