So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
