did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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