I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
