guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
