You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
