There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
