So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
