Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
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It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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