Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
