Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
