those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
3pm strippers are depressing
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
